bestestfurrend | (no subject)

Entry tags:

!ic,
!languishment

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CHARACTERS: Nepeta and Equius
DATE: Shortly after THAT 12th Perigee's Eve party
WHERE: Hive de Nepeta & Pounce
SUMMARY: The two moirails are flushed for the same troll and are finally going to talk it out between them
WARNING(S): Moirail times and feelings jams. All the feelings jams.

Nepeta waited eagerly by the door of her hive, anticipating her moirail's arrival. She'd invited him over as she so often did, but unlike most times she'd politely asked Pounce if she'd go catch some food for them. Lots of food. Enough food that it would keep Pounce away from the hive for quite a while.

Her lusus knew how to take a hint and had slunk off after giving her not-quite-so-young-anymore charge an affectionate headbutt. So now all that remained was for Equius to arrive. Nepeta had already prepared lots of stuff in a great big pile for them to use, even a couple of spare robots parts to make her moirail more comfortable.

They were both going to need to be comfortable for what was probably going to turn out to be a very awkward talk.

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Equius has an idea what Nepeta wants to talk about today, and he takes his time getting to her hive. It's a conversation he knows they must have, but it won't be an easy one, and he's not looking forward to it. He remembers almost everything that happened at the party, including how he acted like a giant hoofbeast's ass and probably upset Tavros, and that just brings his mood lower.

Once at Nepeta's hive, he knocks carefully and politely on her door, then waits to be allowed in.

Pfft, careful and polite? Around Nepeta? Good luck with that, Equius. The door bursts open at the very first knock - she can smell you there, mister - and who cares what happened at that stupid party, he was still her moirail and her bestest friend and maybe she'd have to knock him upside the head once or twice later but that wasn't going to stop her launching herself into his arms.

"I was waiting fur you!! What took so long? I'm glad you're here." Lick lick lick to his cheek, a traditional kitty troll greeting, or so Nepeta would say. "Let's go in!" By which she meant carry me in so we can get this feelings jam on the round!

...yes, she might be overcompensating for her nervousness over how this may go by being even more hyperactive than usual.

Well, he always tries to maintain a certain level of dignity! Even though it's inevitably lost to silliness and cute shenanigans once the doors are closed and no one is watching.

He catches her easily enough, and patiently submits to her licking and nuzzling, carrying her inside and shutting the door behind them.

"I'm happy to see you too."

And he is. She is his best friend, the troll who understands him better than he understands himself sometimes, and even though this is going to be horrible and awkward, he's hoping they can get some closure on this issue.

The reassurance that he was happy to see her made her laugh and headbutt his chin playfully, waving an arm towards a spot further inside her hive.

"I made a brand new pile especially fur us! It's in there!"

She swung herself around so that she'd be riding on his back. Onwards, brave pony!

Man, going straight to the pile. Serious business indeed.

Equius obligingly carries her into the other room, and even in his grumpy, nervous state, he can't help but smile when he sees it.

"You put robot parts in it."

He walks over to it and kneels, waiting for Nepeta to get off his back and situated so he can climb up there and join her.

Very serious. And she'd have been willing to be more casual about it but it felt like every time they get close to talking about it, it got put off. And after that party she didn't think they could really put it off much longer.

"Yup yup I did! I thought you'd like to have some there!"

She hopped onto the pile, slithering back for a second as all the cushions slipped about underneath her. She'd built it very high. A teapot made an ominous cracking sound as she climbed a bit more, and then turned to wait for her moirail to join her.

"I do. That was very considerate of you."

Equius waits while she gets herself arranged, then stands up and basically leans forward, into the pile. He was always tall, but the new body he got here is tall even by his standards, and it's not hard to simply collapse onto the pile and be near the top.

Once he's stretched out and comfortable, he puts one hand under his hand, propping himself up, and looks at her seriously.

"So... Tavros."

No point in beating around the bush!

Nepeta waited for him to settle down and then...then he jumped right in.

She faceplanted on his shoulder.

"What are we going to dooooooooooo?"

Okay, so maybe this was the less mature way of starting the conversation. But Nepeta really was at a loss.

She peeked up at her moirail.

"You're flushed fur him, aren't you?"

When she faceplants on his shoulder, Equius carefully rotates it inward, creating a little dent for her to hide her face in.

"Yes."

There's no denying it, not after how he's been acting recently.

"But you are too, aren't you?"

And there's the problem, if the answer is yes.

She appreciated the gesture, she really did, but there was no hiding from this. Her head was slowly raised again so she could look at him properly, and she sighed. She'd suspected as much for a very long while and had been more than sure lately.

And then she hesitates, wondering briefly if it would make a difference if she pretended that she didn't, if she should let her moirail be happy with Tavros and just deal with her feelings on her own instead of causing even more complications between them all.

Nepeta can't bring herself to do that though. She can't be anything but honest with Equius over something so important.

"I think so..."

Edited 2012-01-07 17:40 (UTC)

Even if Nepeta has pretended, Equius would have known. They can't hide things from each other, and really should never try.

"Look, Nepeta, I'm going to be completely honest here. Except for this quadrant, moirallegiance, I don't think quadrants are a good idea here. Look at all the trolls in them; they only make each other miserable and hurt each other all the time."

He pauses.

"And I don't want to hurt you or Tavros."

Completely true, and another reason why she didn't even bother trying. Not to mention that she was a terrible liar when it came to her feelings.

"But that's other trolls! Not us! Tavros could nefur hurt anyone and...I can see how you treat him, you're so nice to him and look afurter him and you've only efur done that fur me befur!"

Then she stops a moment and giggles. "He's probably easier to look after than me, he gets in trouble a lot less. Equius, it might not be the bestest idea efur but I don't think it's a bad idea. I just...don't know what we're both going to do. I know he's flushed fur you, I've seen it whenefur you're together. I don't know how he feels about me."

And, perhaps, she thinks that that might just mean it's better to let the two whose feelings for each other are clear be happy together. It hurts, but seeing them both sad would hurt more.

"But Nepeta, here's the problem..."

Equius reaches up and taps his cheek, which is completely blank and smooth, with no trace of a mark at all.

"I'm able to get this taken care of now. I'm not..." he pauses "... not necessarily proud of it, or of the fact that I'm doing all of it outside of the quadrants, but it beats being in pain all the time or doing crazy things because of a curse."

He bows his head. "That's... that's still harder for you, isn't it?"

As far as he knows, Nepeta hasn't discovered the Highblood Partner Swap Club yet, and while he's sure he could get her into it, he's not sure if that's something she wants.

Nepeta rubbed at her own cheek, her mark uncomfortably dark. Usually she didn't pay it any attention but having it mentioned made her feel self-conscious now.

"You don't have to feel bad about it, you're doing the right thing making sure you don't get hurt! But...being flushed fur someone is about a lot more than pailing! And if you were in that quadrant with someone you could work things out with them!"

She hadn't discovered it, no, but that didn't mean she didn't suspect. She'd ended up making out with Feferi and Gamzee once before during a curse after all - ironically during a meeting she'd called specifically to ask them to help her look after Equius. Apparently they'd been doing even more of that than she knew.

"It's not really that it's harder...I just don't efur purrticularly want to unless there's someone I like a lot there." She made a face. "Or when one of those curses happen."

"If you pity someone enough I think that things can work out somehow! Fur everyone to be happy." She knew she was repeating herself but she couldn't quite find the words to explain exactly what she meant. Pailing and pitying didn't have to go hand in hand here - caring about someone was the most important thing, right? And anything else that had to happen because of this place would simply be dealt with as it happened. Staying away from what could be a wonderful quadrant simply because of what might happen seemed wrong to her.

"But you pity him too."

And that's the catch, isn't it? They both pity the same troll, and Equius isn't about to try and steal him away from his moirail. He can get his needs--the sexual ones, at least--met elsewhere now, and he thinks that maybe, eventually, he'll find someone else to pity. It has to happen sooner or later... right? And until it does, he can just keep exchanging friendly blowjobs with Gamzee and letting Feferi boss him around when the need strikes her.

"I can't take him from you, Nepeta. That wouldn't be right."

"You wouldn't be taking him from me!" she growled, ignoring the urge to chew on his arm out of frustration and on the off chance that it would make him see sense. She did, however, poke him hard a few times. "We have to find out what Tavros wants too! We can't decide fur him, that would be a lot less right. We have to make sure whatever happens he's happy."

She leaned her forehead against his chin, sighing. "He likes you so much. He gets all shiny and happy efurytime he sees you, you know." It had been impossible not to notice.

Sometimes, Nepeta, a man just needs to have his arm gnawed on to see the sense in what his moirail is saying.

"Yeah... you're right. We need to talk to him about this, see what he thinks."

He perks up a bit, though, as what she says next.

"Really? He does?"

Equius has noticed how Tavros usually seems happier around him, but he assumed it had more to do with his leg braces and being able to walk than with Equius himself.

"Uh huh, uh huh, we do, and the sooner the better."

Before something else like that party happened again - because not only has she seen Tavros light up when seeing Equius, she'd also seen him extremely miserable when Equius was eating other people's faces in front of him.

And then she faceplanted against his arm, her forehead making a painful smacking noise.

"You've nefur noticed?! Of course he does!!"

"You're going to give yourself a concussion, if you keep doing that."

Equius decides it's a better idea to fuss over Nepeta than to deal with his own emotions at the moment, which are very tumultuous. Tavros... is flushed for him? No one has ever been flushed for him, no matter how much he wanted it to happen, no matter how much he tried to push it into existence, and now his moirail, who has no reason to lie to him, is telling him that the very troll he has strong red feelings for reciprocates them. It's a lot to take in!

Equius almost whinnies for Aurthor, until he remembers that they're not at his hive. He manages to cover th potentially embarrassing sound with a cough, and shifts a little on the pile.

"You know what we need? We need some tea."

"Then you should start paying attention, how didn't you know he was flushed so badly fur you?? Anyone can see it!"

And now she did chew on his arm, growling lightly and shaking her head back and forth as she worried at him. She didn't even make a real dent of course, because this was Equius, but seriously. He needed to open his eyes and notice things more! And stop being so down on himself.

When she finally let go she was still grumbling a little. "We only just started! We won't get anywhere if we stop fur tea already." But, unlike certain blue-blooded trolls, she could take a hint and knew he probably wanted a moment to get his thoughts on the subject in order. "I'll go make some quickly." And she rolled down off the pile and headed to the food-preparation block, purring a little song to herself that was soon joined by the sound of the kettle whistling.

And while she's gone, Equius stays in the pile, idly toying with a robot arm that's sticking out of it, mulling things over. By the time she gets back, he has a small, happy little smile on his face, like he's decided to believe that everything she said is true.

"Thank you."

He accepts a cup of tea.

Nepeta rolled back onto him, somehow managing not to spill her tea at the same time. This may very well be because by the time she was done adding sugar it was more like thick sludge than tea anyway.

"Sooooo?" she asked him, then smiled and nuzzled her face to his cheek, leaving a few affectionate kisses there. It was easy to read him and she was starting to feel optimistic that her moirail, at least, was happier about the situation now. That was really all it took to make her happier too.

"Sooooo I guess I need to talk to Tavros, don't I?"

It's not a conversation Equius is looking forward to, if he's being honest. How do you even have a conversation like that? Oh hai, it appears we're flushed for each other, how about that, huh? But he knows his moirail is right, and it's something that needs to be done.

"Yup yup! You do. And soon!" She lapped a few times at her tea but wasn't really interested in it. This was far more important! "What will you tell him? You have to do it on your own, I don't think I should be there fur something like that. But you have to get it right! Tavros gets furry furry unsure of himself so we have to make sure he'll understand what you're telling him."

"Uh..."

Equius pauses, thinking this over.

"Do I really have to tell him anything? Can't we keep just... doing what we're doing? I mean, that seems to be working out pretty well so far... right?"

Emotions are hard, dang it!

"Yes! Yes, you do."

Her teacup went flying in favour of her chewing down on his ear, growling in frustration.

"It's not working out fine," she said when she finally let go, "Or at least it's only working out fine fur you and it's making him unhappy! Tavros...Tavros gets attached to people when he cares about them, don't you see? And he'll think you don't care fur him purrticularly if you don't say anything."

She'd definitely seen it, she'd been paying more than enough attention to the brownblood lately. "So you have to tell him."

Equius stoically submits to his ear-chewing, and even manages to sip his tea while she gets her aggression out. Once she's done, though, he looks at her seriously.

"But I do care for him."

And that's something he could only admit to Nepeta.

"I care about him a lot."

Her look softened all of a sudden - she knew how hard it probably was for him to admit that. He'd come such a long way from when he'd only judged Tavros based on the shade of his blood.

The chewed on ear was petted apologetically and Nepeta snuggled up to Equius' chest, smiling up at him. "And that's exactly why you have to tell him! If you care about him, then he needs to know." She reached up to stroke her moirail's cheek. This was hard for her too, considering how she also felt about Tavros, but him and Equius being happy was more important to her than anything else. "So tell him, okay? You just have to tell him enough for him to understand that you mean it."

"Yes, but how do you tell someone something like that?"

Seriously, Nepeta, how is it done? He has no clue. He's made approximately two highly emotional confessions in his lifetime: the first was to her, when they decided to be moirails, and he barely remembers that anymore; and the other was to Aradia, and that ended with him getting the snot smacked out of him and then hate-kissed, so he doesn't exactly count that as a rousing success either.

"Uhm. I've nefur really done it myself, but. Do something nice fur him, like a date or a meal or just go fur a walk together or something, and then sit down with him and just say it. Say that you really really care fur him and hope that he feels the same way too. If you're not sure what to say, then say that, say that you're not sure how to say it but you think you might be flushed fur him." She nodded...that sounded about right to her, even though she knew it wouldn't be as simple in person. But it was a start!

"Maybe when I'm attaching his new legs? Do you think that would be a good time?"

Equius thinks it would be, but mostly because Tavros would be unconscious and unable to hear him. Hey, it would be practice, don't judge!

"Equius!!! No, that wouldn't be a good time!!"

There was an annoyed growling starting up in her chest again. "A date! Someplace he's comfurtable! Not on a table in your workshop!"

"What's uncomfortable about my workshop? I'm comfortable in my workshop!"

His workshop is super comfortable, he'll have you know, stop implying otherwise!

"That's the point! It has to be somepurrlace you're both comfurtable!" Sorry, Equius, she wasn't going to budge about this! "Yes, yes, it's a nice purrlace but can't you see Tavros might feel intimidated in there?! Especially if you tell him while you're fixing his legs! He won't be focused on what you're saying, he'll be worrying about being able to walk. No, no, it has to be somewhere else. Somewhere romantic! Ask Aurthour to purrpare a picnic to take to the beach purrhaps." How did a feelings jam about their mutual feelings for Tavros turn into this argument...

"I still think my workshop would be a good place to do it."

And he's totally going to practice what he's going to say while Tavros is unconscious, and she can't stop him. So there. But then, he also sees the point in what she's saying, and considers it.

"The beach wouldn't be good; he'd get sand in his legs. But maybe in the forest somewhere?"

"Just beclaws I'd be comfurtable in a room full of kitties doesn't mean you'd be, and just beclaws you're comfurtable in your workshop doesn't mean Tavros would be."

This was simple logic, Equius, really. (She is also internally giggling at the image of tiny purrbeasts crawling all over her moirail.) And fiiiine, practice while he's unconscious. As long as he did it for real later on.

"Okay, then in the furest! Tell him you want to go and celebrate his legs working again or something and tell him there!"

"Okay, okay, I'll do that."

Equius would be horrified at having kittens crawl all over him; he wouldn't be able to move for fear of crushing them!

"Thanks for helping me with this, Nepeta, I really appreciate it."

"Good!"

Nepeta knew this very well. But somehow the image is still adorable to her. Little purrbeasts and her moirail! Two of her favourite things! ...he still hasn't met her new purrbeast, after all. She'd left her asleep in a basket in her respiteblock, but the kitten would probably be awake and looking for her any minute now.

"Of course! You know I'll always always help. I just want you to be happy. Tavros too." Their feelings meant more to her than her own, she cared for them that much.

"I want you to be happy, too."

Which is Equius' sidelong way of saying that they need to find someone for Nepeta to pail, too, since it appears that he might be taking Tavros off the market. He worries about her and her mark, and how difficult she seems to have it here.

"Is there... anything I can help you with?"

"I am happy! I have you here."

Nepeta wasn't just saying it either. Even if things were a bit rough, having her moirail around was the most important thing to her. She could weather just about anything as long as he was there too.

And she also knew him well enough to read between the lines to his real question.

"I...I don't know, really. It doesn't seem like it's all that impurrtant unless a curse or some other bad thing happens beclaws of it."

"Is there anyone that you're interested in? Anyone you'd like to pail?"

Yeah, pretty soon she's going to wish they'd kept arguing about his and Tavros' upcoming date, because it's only going to get worse from here on out.

Equius, she liked it a lot more when they were talking about things that made you embarrassed and not her. She was fast turning a bright shade of green.

"Not...anyone who's interested in me." Because she was pretty sure Karkat was out of the question and there really wasn't anyone else she had those sorts of feelings for. She continued in a rush, "Even with Tavros I'd have been purrfectly happy just cuddling him! Pailing is too much."

Nope, gonna talk about things that embarrass you now. Nep.

"Cuddling, huh... you know, even if Tavros was my matesprit, I wouldn't mind it if you cuddled him. That would fine with me."

Polyamorous cuddling passes Equius' Not Vulgar Meter.

"Ohhh, really really? I'd miss cuddling him if I couldn't any more! He's good at cuddling."

She beamed happily - but from her simple pleased reaction he might be able to gather that they are not entirely on the same wavelength.

Nope, sorry, Nepeta, you're talking about his other favorite person now, and anything subtle you're trying to convey here completely escapes him.

"He is good at cuddling, isn't he?"

"Yup yup, he is, he really really is. But..." She beamed up at him, "You'll always be my favourite to cuddle." Equius might not be able to cuddle her back, but that didn't matter to her.

No subtle messages here now, just super-relieved they seem to have left that embarrassing topic behind. She still had no intention of pailing anyone if she could help it, though.

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(no subject)

oh god I only have fifteen icons my life is suffering

we can't have that :<

XD; oh yeah... Equius' moirail in Vath dropped. Perhaps they can work things out?

SLAKSJLA IT'LL TAKE A BIT BUT OMG YESSS

all right! he'll make a post soon about Feferi being gone

will be waiting for it!

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wrong account, too lazy to switch

XD same old equius in any case

still being lazy and not switching

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